I spent the first half of my life as a Type A, super-focused, multi-tasking, list-making creator. I dreamed, then strategized, then planned my ass off to MAKE things happen. And they did. They happened big. They paid well. People expressed deep appreciation and wanted more and more. And I gave it to them, as a consultant and an entrepreneur and a community leader. And then, in February of this year, I turned 50… and all that stopped working for me. For one thing, I really didn’t want to do it that way anymore. Although the end results were great, creating that way entails a lot of running around, and multiple meetings in a day, and tons of emails and general busyness. I don’t enjoy busyness and rushing around anymore. I prefer savoring, and having lots of time to express deep gratitude, and long walks in the woods, and sitting on the floor for long stretches with my new puppy. Even when I’m “working”, I really like doing one thing at a time and doing it fully. It’s delicious.
Something unexpectedly wonderful has been happening since my 50th birthday. If I try to jump back into Type A mode, even though it doesn’t feel that great, nothing works out. Plans fall through, meetings get cancelled, funding gets cut last minute… so all the running around results in squat.
The beauty, magic and manifesting happens now when I relax, allow, trust and pay attention. I still love to dream big, to imagine and to see visions of the exciting new future in which I have a lead co-creative role. I especially love the visions that come during my morning meditations or when I’m daydreaming or nighttime dreaming. But once the vision stage is complete I no longer jump into list making and networking and business planning. Now I relax into allowing. I trust my intuition and my heart and I pay attention to what comes across my path. I take the next step with grace and ease in mind. If it starts to feel forced or stressful, I set it down and then enter a place of noticing and watchfulness. Instead of trying to fix it or heal it or make it stronger, I just feel into it and rest my attention there and then notice what happens next. I allow.
When things start growing and manifesting I immediately start feeling and expressing deep gratitude. When I take the next action steps it feels much more like play than work. I open myself up to all forms of abundance and energy-exchange and remove the idea-boundary that all the financial benefit is mine or that I am the only one benefiting from the “payment” that is given. The interconnectedness between all the beings involved is much clearer to me now… like a spider web shimmering with dew in the morning sunlight. It’s breathtaking.
It’s not always easy to leave the Type-A, make it happen aspects of my personality on the sideline. After all, I am really good at all that stuff and it served me well through my 20s, 30s and 40s. But more and more I find that it just doesn’t work that way for me now. If I want to create and do work at the next level it is time to up the allowing. It is time to ask for more clarity so the full-on radiant light and love can flow in and flow out through my work, relationships, art and on and on. It’s a beautiful and gentle way to live.